Well, what even is a theory? According to Oxford, a theory is "a supposition or a system of ideas intended to explain something, especially one based on general principles independent of the thing to be explained." Relating it to a phenomenon, a theory is an attempt to explain a phenomenon A phenomenon is defined more simply than we might think. It is something that has happened.
There are four theories to describe families. They are so interesting and can apply to each and every one of us and our family relations!
EXCHANGE THEORY
This is rational assessment. We can visualize this as a balance scale. I read the Stephen Covey 7 Habit’s for Highly Effective People and it talks about one way to keep a healthy relationship, is to only take a withdrawal (ex. Asking for. Favor) for every 5 deposits (ex. Doing something kind for them).
I think that the deposits and withdrawals are a great example of how we exchange within our relationships and family relations.
CONFLICT THEORY
Conflict is not always fighting! At least when I think of conflict, I often think of arguments. Conflict is inevitable because it involves difference in opinion, inequality, gender, and even the way that we were each raised.
I often also think of conflict having to do with parenting, or marriage. President Kimball made a comment about how if we marry someone of the same or similar culture, social class, and/or race, it can make those relations with your spouse, family, and in laws easier. He was called a racist and a bigot for this, but to me, it makes sense! My husband and I came from similar social classes, races, and culture and even though some other conflicts between us, and especially our in laws are inevitable, being similar in these other aspects help.
SYMBOLIC INTERACTION THEORY
We often misread symbolic interactions because this includes things like hand holding, holding the door, etc. We are constantly looking into these symbols, but especially women. Men are more logical, and women are more emotional. This is important because women will look into a signal or sign so much more than a guy. It can be bad, and we can overthink it. BUT! Research actually shows that when women look into it more, they are more often RIGHT! So next time someone tells you “You’re just overthinking it”, or “Don’t look too much into it, it was nothing”, don’t believe them!
FAMILY SYSTEMS THEORY
This one is my favorite!
One part of this theory is circular causality. This is where something, let’s say A, is happening because of another thing, let’s say B. But then B goes back and contributes to A happening again, and this causes a constant circle or this what could be conflict but won’t stop until it is recognized and is put to a stop.
Next, there are RULES & ROLES.
Rules – we often don’t know what the rules are until they are broken. Sometimes we end up in a toxic relationship, or when the roles of family members are not functioning as they should, and an effective way to break the roles, is to break the rules.
Roles – There are the mom and dad, siblings, grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles, children, many other roles as well, but the most important role is the HUSBAND & WIFE.
We are commanded to cleave unto our spouse and forsake our parents. Those are strong words! Forsake means to give up, but we obviously are not going to give up our relationship with our parents when we get married, but we can give up our role. Have you ever noticed that when you go home for the holidays, you tend to slip back into your old habits or attitude? I know I do! When we are comfortable and familiar, we tend to slip back into that role, like for me it would be sister and daughter, and then I was more of a brat.
Marriage and Parenthood is hard because it is the most important thing that we will do while we are here on earth. We are trying to create something divine. By knowing these theories, I know that it can help us strengthen our homes and our families to something divine and celestial.
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